My mom used to always say she wished babies came with a marque across there forehead that would tell you what was wrong when they were upset. As a teenager I thought this was amusing but also didn't get it, I mean either they are hungry, poopy or sleepy right? WRONG! I think so far this has been the most frustrating part of being a mommy. I don't know how many conversations Erik and I have had since Lucy was born that go something like this:
Should we do X or should we do Y
Should we use this or that?
Should we give her X or Y
Should we let her (fill in blank)
Do you think she is (fill in blank)
Do you think we should (fill in the blank)
Is it okay to (fill in blank)
What do you think is wrong with her?
What should we do?
I dunno what do you think?
And on and on these conversations go. It's like each move we make we must analyze and guess what we should do and what Lucy needs/wants. It's exasperating and stressful! Sound familiar to anyone?
As hard as this game can be sometimes. (especially at 4 in the morning) I want to list a few things that are keeping me going. Before I do that though, let me first just say that I always read peoples blogs who are mothers and they rave about how they love motherhood and whenever they express an ounce of a complaint it is always followed by "But it is totally worth it". Before I became a mom I always was skeptical about that phrase. I thought maybe it was just a way for the mom to not seem like a bad mom, but they really didn't feel that way. Like it was fake. I wondered if I would feel that it was all worth it at the end of the day. I didn't want to be fake and pretend things were hunky dory if they were not. Well I can now say with full confidence that that feeling is real! I'm amazed. I am not a patient person at all. I thought that this "game" would make me very frustrated with Lucy, but I find myself loving her more through the frustrations. I find at the end of the day it is all worth it! Which leads me back to the things that are keeping me going-
1. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for giving me more love. I love Lucile more than I thought was possible. (particularly when matters with her can be so frustrating) I feel so much compassion towards her and charity. I am so grateful for the tender mercies the Lord has given me. I feel like each day through all the confusion, frustrations, worries, he gives me wonderful moments with my baby girl. Which leads me at the end of the day thinking "I Love this girl so much" and "she is such a good baby! and "this is all worth it!" I can't stop smiling at her, talking to her, squeezing her, no matter what she does. I am so grateful that the Lord has helped me start to build that love and see just a glimpse of how he loves.
2. I am extremely grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost. I had an experience when I was about 8 months pregnant that changed me. As some of you know....and frequently mocked, I was trying to be super super prepared for this baby. I had read every book, researched everything online, heck I even took a product poll on my blog! I was so ready, yet so worried and confused at conflicting advice etc. I couldn't stop stressing about it until one night at the famous girl get togethers called Scraps (every Thursday night girls in the ward get together to talk) I was expressing some worries, and frantically asking questions (which I had done a lot lately-to many people) and finally someone said something to me that was kind of a "duh!" but in all my questioning no one had told me and I hadn't thought of. (wow what a build up-sorry) My friend Jackie said- "well that's why you just you have to live close to the spirit and it will guide you what to do!" Wow! She probably doesn't even remember saying this to me but it meant the world to me. I was able to relax after that and know that of all the books I was reading the one I should be reading the most to prepare was my scriptures. And that I also should just be praying my guts out! All I needed to do was to make sure I was living close to the spirit so I could have it's influence and guidance. I have thought about this daily since I have had Lucy and I have been blessed to feel inspiration in times when I just did not know what to do. I am grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
3. I am grateful for an AMAZING husband who helps me a tremendous amount. He has been fabulous with all this! I am pretty sure I would be a pretty crappy mother without him. He allows me to be the mother I am. He has already given me a few night's out with the girls! He has exceeded my expectations as a father and has become an even more amazing husband. I Love him so much and feel so lucky to have him.
4. And it helps that little Lucy is So Stinkin Cute! :)
Sorry for the lengthy post- maybe I said too much and was to honest. I just needed to write down how I have been feeling and wanted to share. I really am blessed with a happy, healthy, good baby girl who I love so much, even when it's hard. I will keep playing this guessing game probably for the rest of my children's lives, but I know now that it in the end will truly be worth it! I keep telling myself. "I can do hard things!" And with the help of friends, family, and the Lord I can.
18 comments:
I love this post. I am sure you are doing a great job and even if your aren't God enough foresight to not let our memories kick in until after age 3-5. I will have to store these little tidbits in the back of my head!
good post. call/email me soon!
Oh boy, that is a game I am definitely nervous to be playing soon. What a great post. Honesty like that is refreshing, and what a great reminder to be thankful for all that we have.
I am sure you are doing a great job. It can be so frustrating when you don't know what is wrong with them and you just have to guess. This was a great post. We all feel that way!
Hey Nichole. Love the post. I completely know what you mean. It does get crazy, and with every new stage it's a new adventure. But how wonderful it is to have Heavenly Father's help. Good luck with everything.
I love that you're honest nichole. I'm hyper-critical of 'happy blogger syndrome' so it's nice to see someone else acknowledging it and, at the same time, reassuring me that all the ooey-gooey mommy stuff is real too:)
Loved the post. However, I'm kind of tired of hearing about this little girl and just want to meet her!!
You know what...I think we ALL go through that wonderful guessing game. But it gets a lot easier I think as time goes (and soes it go fast or what!) and you ll find out that this kind of cry is because of this. That if she does this with her face she wants that etc... You guys are both awesome. Like I said before; you re the best to know what s best for her. Trust yourselves and remember that, at the end of the day, IT IS WORTH IT!;)
Amen! :)
Love you guys!!! I'm DYING to get my hands on my little Lucy again!!! Just remember, I made plenty of mistakes with you and you turned out alright! JK, You turned out GREAT, and you are doing a great job. I told you the week before you had her that you couldn't yet image how much you would love her, NOW you get it! That is how much Dad and I love you! Don't let Lucy forget me!
:)
I have to tell you Nichole, your blog is one of my favorites to read. The information and support you gather from friends and the experiences you share is helping prepare me for pregnancy and motherhood. It's good to know the frustrations and confusion are normal. Thanks for telling it like it is :)
It's funny how, after having a baby, you experience feelings at a depth you never could before (one, of course, being the ability to smile at a sleeping baby despite the fact that you're tired, you need to shower, you haven't made dinner in days, and you haven't cleaned in much longer).
Glad you're loving it! It only gets better.
If you can believe it, Motherhood only gets better and better. With each baby you trust your instincts more and more and it is so fulfilling to me to realize that this is not only something I am good at but it is something I am made for! I have never been able to find that same sense of fulfillment in anything else I have done. The best advice I have is to trust your instincts...more than the books and the magazines and even the doctors.
Thanks for sharing! I loved this post! You are such a beautiful mother!
I hear ya and I wish it got easier!! I still have a panic attack everytime Beck gets a fever but you guys are doing an awesome job, you are such a cute mom.
Oh girlfriend you crack me up! I totally can relate but can also say to that at some point ya just have to go with the flow!:) Being parents is totally a guessing game and sometimes you guess right and others you are wrong.. you learn from it and move on. Don't be so hard on yourself and try not to over-analyze yourself to death! Heavenly Father is in control and knew what he was doing when he sent Lucy to you guys- you are awesome parents and will start to feel more and more confident as time goes on. Love you two!!!
I think you are fully embracing motherhood. I think I guilted myself a LOT with Evan because we'd tried so long and hard I felt I couldn't complain, couldn't ever be unhappy, and in feeling that way I was always disappointed with myself, especially because he was a hard baby. So I think it's good that you are admitting that it is hard. The most frustrating thing is that it's a good 2-2.5 years before they can even start to really tell you what's wrong. I mean, they can tell you basic things like "milk" or "no" but just now Allison is finally expressing more than "no" and "yes" and a few basic needs. I'm not saying it doesn't get easier, but it takes time before you can really stop guessing...and then a new challenge appears. But you will do fine with it all, I am sure of that!
And I loved how prepared you were! I wish that I had not been working full-time when I was pregnant with Evan so i could have done more like that.
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