I have had a lot of free time lately, hence all the posts, but I think I like blogging more than just the big fun events. I want to start writing more just about my daily happenings and feelings. So to catch you up...
Just Keep Swimming
For the past few months I have been working for this company called Diviine Modestee. Just in the mornings before I nanny I go to different Costco's across Utah and sell there line of swimsuits there. It's been pretty fun and really great money but tommorow is the last day and I am kind of ready for it to be over. I would though reccomend checking out there suits if you are in the market for a modest bathing suit. They are really cute. http://diviinemodestee.com/
Macho Me
So I am taking this new free time in the mornings to work on unfinished projects and work out. I LOVE lifting! It feels so good to build muscle and tone up. I love classes at the gym. I will post my projects later as I finish them.
Friendly Maid Rachel
So today as I mentioned earlier I was feeling really down and just before I went to work who showed up at my door? My good friend Rachel. She wanted to hang out and instead I convinced her to come to work with me. It was so good to have the company and to just talk and get my mind off things. We had a slow day at the Thomas' house so we just sat around and folded laundry. Then her being the neat freak she is, she decided to clean the 13 year old boys horrendous room. It looked sooo good. It was super nice of her. He texted me later and thanked me, he said it made his day. Of course I gave the credit to her and threatened him that he better keep it clean. She made me want to re-dedicate myself to my nannying job. I really can do better with my time there. It will be good for me to put myself in the service of that family.
Beauty School Dropout
Last of all I decided today that I need a plan for when I move to Richmond in July. I cant keep going on like this, with no plan but to be a mom. So my plan is that if I am not pregnant before we move than I am going to go to Hair school or, maybe do an Interior Design program. This makes me really excited. I dont regret quiting school because I felt that that was what I was supposed to do, but 2 years later and still with no baby I feel really unaccomplished and worthless. I really need to work towards a goal and accomplish it. I have felt like a failure with not getting to be a mom and not doing much of anything else. I try to tell myself that the Lord led me to all of this so I could be there for the family I nanny for during this hard time in there lives. (they just went through a divorce) But, it still feels like something small. I just need to appreciate this time I have with my husband and with the freedom to do whatever I want. So that gives me something to look forward too.
Question
Ok that's all..thanks for listening. Wait one more thing. My last thought is a question I have had on my mind. How do you balence having faith vs. the Lords will? In Mormon 9:21 it say's "Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth." But for example in Daniel chapter 3 when Shadrach, Meshack, and Abed-nego are going to be thrown into the firery furnace they say something to the effect of "Our God is able to deliver us, our God will deliver us out of thine hands." So that sounds like faith nothing wavering...but then in the next verse it says "But if not..." So i know they are not doubting the Lords abilties. But are doubting, or are taking into consideration the Lords will. But is'nt that doubt? How do I pray for something and say "I have complete faith in thee Lord that you can do this....but If you dont..help me cope with it." It sounds like I dont have complete faith. From the verse in Mormon it sounds like if I dont doubt, and have complete faith it shall be granted unto me. I dont know. This probably is really confusing. And I know it has something to do with the Lords timing with our blessings. But I just dont know how to pray and ask for something in faith while still having reserves about whether or not the Lord wants this for me right now. And how do I have such complete faith but also not get my hopes up and let down. If this makes sense to anyone than please help!!! I know I sound crazy. I am just writing down my thoughts. Hopefully no one will read this huge post! :)
